Hospitality…or Hosting?

I used to feel ashamed because I wasn’t gifted in “hospitality.” My sister is amazing at it always thinking of everything, planning fantastic events that blow people away! But that isn’t me. I was embarrassed when I’d have people over and had completely forgotten to get ice (my ice-maker never worked) or go to put out a snack and realize I didn’t have enough or it had gone bad. I was just interested in our actual visit and spending time together.

I always lamented that I didn’t have the gift of hospitality because I wasn’t caring for my guests well. Then a friend put me straight…

”Don’t confuse hospitality with hosting.” (It took me a long time to learn this, but when I finally did the shame started melting away.)

Great hostesses think of all the little details: decorations, food, presentation…entertaining. It’s mostly about the space which they make absolutely beautiful, and about providing a memorable experience for their guests. But have you noticed that often those great hostesses are too tied up with all the “things” to be fully present with their guests? There’s a time and place for hosting and it is a legitimate role to be filled.

But this is different from hospitality.

Great hospitality is about making people feel welcome, cared for, seen, heard and valued.

It’s being a good listener and inviting someone to feel safe to share with you. It’s being relaxed about the imperfections (in the room or about yourself/others) and inviting them to be relaxed too. It’s about being vulnerable with them so they can be vulnerable with you. It’s about connection and building relationships that go beyond the surface.

So if you’re gifted to host beautiful gatherings and provide memorable experiences, celebrate that gift! But I invite you to set some boundaries around it if you start feeling overwhelmed, stressed about perfection, or too distracted to enjoy those at your gatherings. Give yourself permission to not have everything perfect. Don’t allow this activity to be fueled by a concern about what others think of you. You are not the sum of your parties, they are just part of your gifts and talents.

If you’re like me and don’t think of “all the things” but you have a way of connecting deeply with people, joyfully embrace that gift too and open your home to others. Don’t compare yourself or your space with others. But I also invite you to consider in advance who is coming and what are some particular ways you can honor them and show them respect.

Walking in your own giftings relieves the stress and shame of not being someone else. God didn’t make you someone else. He made you YOU… on purpose.